Doing or going to do – that is the question.

Lets have a word about procrastination, avoidance, distancing.

A client came to me about ‘all the things he has to do, and that he was not succeeding or getting anywhere’. He felt between a rock and a hard place, nothing was working.

We spent a lot of time talking and have spoken many times before about other things. I noticed that one of his frequent sentences was:

“I am going to……”or, I will do …” and often, “I should have done….”.

He was very focused on all the different things he had to do and on the point that he was not good at multi-tasking instead of focusing on a job in hand. Therefore getting nowhere other than more and more depressed and worried and distanced from what needed doing.

I explained that an example of multi tasking could be talking the phone (clutched under the chin) talking to a client whilst feeding the baby in one arm and stirring the soup with another. Or, filling in your accounts on the computer whilst on speakerphone to a supplier and watching (and worrying about) your expensive employee chatting to their best friend on the phone, again.

I suggested that having various jobs or commitments, keeping hydrated and exercising are not multi tasking unless he was planning on lifting weights whilst riding on the sit-on mower and making deals on his mobile.

I also suggested, somewhat forcefully after he kept escaping from our conversation to all the things he will do, he only needs to do one of these various jobs at a time. It creates variety, which we all need. The jobs do not over lap at all and if each job was given an allotted day or time slot and done properly, whole heartedly and thoroughly he wouldn’t have to think about it whilst doing another job. Therefore no multi tasking required.

I advised that he take job A – (which is basically selling) and has a list of everything that is required, the clients list, items he needs to sell, his target written down clearly. Then on that job’s day he starts and does absolutely everything he can with all his resources to get the best possible outcome on that day. So e-mail, phone calls, post if all else fails. Explore every avenue and be creative (if a contact number is not immediately available look at every possible way you could get one or make contact). At the end of the day he may feel a little frustrated if he has not made any contacts BUT ultimately he will feel immensely satisfied that he did everything he could to the best of his ability during Job A’s time slot. No point worrying about it afterwards, it will not change a thing. Let all the hard work percolate until the next time it is Job A’s time slot.

Next day he takes Job B and applies the same intention, intensity and determination and so on.

Maybe as there are a few different jobs have 15 – 30 minutes just to address any e-mails or things to deal with such as if the best client in the world’s PA sends an email to arrange a meeting…

Then, when he is mowing the garden (or driving the kids to dance class or doing exercise) he can put some great music on or an audio book, drink a beer and multi task happily (beer drinking is not applying to the bracketed options obvs 😉 this then becomes recreational rather than part of the job pile.

Lets also talk about ‘job’, ‘task’, ‘commitment’. Make them fun/interesting/exciting and they become enjoyable. Who wants to just do a job compared to playing at chatting to people, finding out how people work, feeling successful and providing something that someone needs? Who wants to do a task or fulfill a commitment when they could be playing at mowing, singing their heads off drowned out by the engine, zoning out to their favourite tunes or being told a facinating and exciting story. Think about how to make what you do into what you want to do. Life is to be enjoyed not endured, how lucky we are to have it.

I worked in a shop at one point and it was so boring until I made a challange to be the fastest on the till (it was the olden days, you keyed the money in as you passed the products along the counter beside you) and to try to get as many people a day to smile. In the end I had lovely if brief chats with people who I got to know in a chitchaty way, and was the fastest cashier in the North – my till was always out by a few pence either way (always!!!) so I didn’t get a pat on the back but I did get a lot of smiles 🙂

The moral of the story is you can spend so much time worrying about that big pile of stuff over there rather than concentrating on jumping right on top of the smaller, more manageable pile of stuff right in front of you. Jump right into the centre of it, splat!, and sort out every tiny little bit of it then go over to the big pile, take what you can carry and put it where the little pile was and jump splat! into the middle of that one and deal with it. How satisfying!

Saying “I will do….”, “I am going to do….” and “I should have done….” is SO much better changed to “I am doing”.

I am drinking water and I am hydrated.

I am exercising and I am fit.

I am dealing with this now.

I am doing my best right now.

I am in control.

I am satisfied.

I am finding a way to enjoy what I do.

I am doing it, now, in the way that works for me.

I am I!

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I am moving this blog back to Whatdesrididnext.wordpress.com. If you want to join me there I would be very happy! Thanks for reading.

Desri x

www.boutiqueretreatfrance.com

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Little woman, me?

Well I am little physically, 5′ 1 1/2″ to be precise.

I don’t like being called short but small, petite and little are fine.

That is not the issue. It is far more sensitive than that.

Yesterday I mentioned to someone how much I have always wanted a certain type of stove, the one that warms the heart of the house.

They said something along the lines of “your husband will have a fit at the running costs”.

I groaned just typing that.

Why, is it assumed that I would not have a fit at the running costs, pay the running costs, be responsible for the running costs, finance the running costs?

We had friends to stay a while ago and took them on a petit tour and passed the hotel de ville. The lady said “Our husbands should buy us a place like that”.

Our car has been called my husbands car and our house has been called my husbands house. Even my businesses have been called my husbands businesses on quite a few occasions!

I once had a male printer who had made a complete hash of my brochure printing – they went from mainly blue through a few balanced coloured to mainly red and back again through thousands of brochures. It doesn’t matter what the brochures were showing really, bad printing is bad printing, but they were clothing so highly important that people saw correct colouring.

When I asked what he would do he said nothing, he didn’t need to see them and indicated I was making a big fuss and condescendingly suggested I had a little chat with my husband about it! Well, you can imagine.

Needless to say I (not my husband) did not pay him.

When I laughingly told my husband about yesterdays comment (it was by a lovely man who would probably be really embarrassed at how it sounded, or think I was ridiculous for taking it that way 😉 he asked me ‘Does it bother you from a significance or a sexual equality point of view?”.

Such a horribly and annoyingly reasonable question.

I do hate, after all these years in business, that being female can make you so insignificant in a business and financial world. I also dislike that I still care and need that significance.

I wish I could calmly rise above it and be content with my own knowledge of my achievements.

Or maybe I don’t. I want to be thought of as super woman, divine wife, perfect mother, great business woman and I want one of those oil guzzling stoves for ‘my’ kitchen.

Oh…

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‘To go’ or not ‘to go’ that is the question.

Hi Mum, move, let me past, I need to go to the loooooo!

The cry of so many kids when they get home from school. “Why didn’t you go at school?” “No way, I can’t!”.

No. I do get it.

You would think the fact that we all need to ‘go’ would mean that ‘going’ was just a normal thing with no hang ups attached.

Imagine a world with no travel constipation, reduced bloating, discomfort, wind, gas, funny tummy, holiday tummy even reduced IBS.

I was with someone once and they seemed distracted and slightly uptight. They weren’t always like that. I asked what was wrong, they said nothing. But there so was.

I knew the atmosphere was uncomfortable and could feel it getting worse. I suddenly had a thought and decided the risk was worth it to save the day – “Do you think you might want to go to the loo?”.

They looked at me, I looked straight back like I’d just asked if they wanted a cup of tea. “Yes, I think I might” they said. We smiled, tension went, atmosphere adjusted, it was OK because it was said and nothing embarrassing happened.

I think that happens quite a lot. I wonder how many anxious or strained atmospheres could start because someone wants to go to the loo and can’t for whatever reason; I don’t want to go into all the possibilities but I am talking about simple embarrassment – work loos, schools loos, hotel loos etc.

Isn’t it about time hotels had bathrooms that were sound proofed rather than ones where the person in the room (and in the room next door) can hear someone cleaning their teeth in the bathroom never mind going to the loo. Where school and any public loos have complete doors rather than being open top and bottom?

Robin and I stayed at a very nice (translate expensive) place on Ile de Ré in France for a special occasion only to discover the lovely room and bathroom were open to each other. “Non” said the receptionist, “There is a wall, no?”.  Yes, there was a partition wall but on one side and yes, two other sides had proper walls, but the fourth side is the monster in the room – or not because it wasn’t there, did not exist, at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I like to share, he likes to share, we just don’t, EVER, want to share that!

So we were moved, slightly disdainfully it has to be said (Les Anglaise, eye roll) to a room with a bathroom – with a glass door…

We had some friends over for lunch in the summer, all young, our kids friends actually.  One was telling us about her wonderful new man, they sounded so happy. She giggled, we all looked expectantly, “Well,” she hesitated, thought a moment, shrugged her pretty French shoulders, ” The other night we were in bed and I farted (try reading with a French accent, it sounds so much nicer)”, more giggles, “‘e was so polite, ‘e pretended to be asleep”, we all giggled, “What did you do?” I asked, “I pretended to be asleep also”, we all laughed our heads off – no doubt as each of us remembered a time, a similar story – then the subject was changed.

I remember, no longer cringing with embarassment thankfully, being about 11 and sleeping in the same bed as my Mother one night, we were staying in the caravan with my brother and sister, sharing two beds. In the night I ‘made a rude noise’ as it was called in our house. The next day she said we needed a serious talk. She proceeded to tell me what had occured and how, when I went on my school trip the following week, nobody would like me at all if I did such a disgusting thing. Blimey, the sleepless nights started there!

At our first house in France we were shown to a wooden building in the garden that had a bench with two holes cut in it. One large hole, with a little v shape cut out of the front of the curve and a smaller one with no v shaped gap. His and hers! I just can’t imagine, no I’m not going to, moving swiftly on…

If you have a toilet issue just bear in mind everyone needs to go. If you don’t you get ill. If it’s a problem simply say so. No need for long explanations. Learn to laugh about normal stuff. Don’t cause your kids grief by passing on and inflating hang ups.

If you are going to be in a situation where you will be uncomfortable, shall we say, you can take aloe or ground flax for a smoother, easier experience, they are good to include in your diet anyway (read up on them or take advice on use and quantities first).

To generally reduce bloating and constipation and increase ease and comfort eat less white, sticky doughy food and more fruit and vegetable fibre, drink more water, chew properly, eat fermented foods such as kimchi, kefir, live yogurt, drink kombucha, water kefir and/or take pre and probiotics. Move more. Ease up on yourself.

Smile and let go, haha, sorry.

So that’s the end of the Mom talk for today.

Had to include the naughty photo my kids took when they did a show for me….

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Was brain off sick when you thought up the concept of ‘menopause symptoms’

Dear Mother Nature (and this should be of interest to energy conservationalists and scientists),

Was brain off sick when you thought up the concept of ‘menopause symptoms’?

In particular the starring roll of hot flushes?

Is there one single useful reason for them?

Night after night of covers on,  covers off, covers on, covers off, knackered us, knackered partners, addled brains, baggy eyes and saggy tummies.
 
I suppose they are very good for sales of Chillows, high tec. airflow mattresses, fans, air con units, spray cans of water – not to mention black cohosh, sage and evening primrose oil. I guess they are a lucrative source of income for divorce lawyers too.

And surely by now, with all those scientists working on energy sourcing and conservation, all those politicians and business people looking into the rising cost of heating, SOMEBODY could come up with a way to at least make us feel its all worthwhile and channel the mega watts produced by millions of efficient female night time heat generators into something useful to keep us warm during the day?
We could be worth a fortune;  there is no down time during working hours – if it happens we multi task. We don’t need a designated place or equipment to produce it. No, its any place, any time, just ask your nearest lady of a certain age – yes, that pink one should be able to tell you.

Oh, and we ALL know that getting hot and sweaty results in weight loss,  glowing skin, shiny hair, better moods, sharper brain, better concentration and improved mood, stamina and sex life – what did you not understand????

Ach, enough all ready, I’m too tired, can’t concentrate and feeling way too grumpy, another time…

Always look on the bright side of (mid) life dada, dada dada dada 🙂

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