Hi Mum, move, let me past, I need to go to the loooooo!
The cry of so many kids when they get home from school. “Why didn’t you go at school?” “No way, I can’t!”.
No. I do get it.
You would think the fact that we all need to ‘go’ would mean that ‘going’ was just a normal thing with no hang ups attached.
Imagine a world with no travel constipation, reduced bloating, discomfort, wind, gas, funny tummy, holiday tummy even reduced IBS.
I was with someone once and they seemed distracted and slightly uptight. They weren’t always like that. I asked what was wrong, they said nothing. But there so was.
I knew the atmosphere was uncomfortable and could feel it getting worse. I suddenly had a thought and decided the risk was worth it to save the day – “Do you think you might want to go to the loo?”.
They looked at me, I looked straight back like I’d just asked if they wanted a cup of tea. “Yes, I think I might” they said. We smiled, tension went, atmosphere adjusted, it was OK because it was said and nothing embarrassing happened.
I think that happens quite a lot. I wonder how many anxious or strained atmospheres could start because someone wants to go to the loo and can’t for whatever reason; I don’t want to go into all the possibilities but I am talking about simple embarrassment – work loos, schools loos, hotel loos etc.
Isn’t it about time hotels had bathrooms that were sound proofed rather than ones where the person in the room (and in the room next door) can hear someone cleaning their teeth in the bathroom never mind going to the loo. Where school and any public loos have complete doors rather than being open top and bottom?
Robin and I stayed at a very nice (translate expensive) place on Ile de Ré in France for a special occasion only to discover the lovely room and bathroom were open to each other. “Non” said the receptionist, “There is a wall, no?”. Yes, there was a partition wall but on one side and yes, two other sides had proper walls, but the fourth side is the monster in the room – or not because it wasn’t there, did not exist, at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I like to share, he likes to share, we just don’t, EVER, want to share that!
So we were moved, slightly disdainfully it has to be said (Les Anglaise, eye roll) to a room with a bathroom – with a glass door…
We had some friends over for lunch in the summer, all young, our kids friends actually. One was telling us about her wonderful new man, they sounded so happy. She giggled, we all looked expectantly, “Well,” she hesitated, thought a moment, shrugged her pretty French shoulders, ” The other night we were in bed and I farted (try reading with a French accent, it sounds so much nicer)”, more giggles, “‘e was so polite, ‘e pretended to be asleep”, we all giggled, “What did you do?” I asked, “I pretended to be asleep also”, we all laughed our heads off – no doubt as each of us remembered a time, a similar story – then the subject was changed.
I remember, no longer cringing with embarassment thankfully, being about 11 and sleeping in the same bed as my Mother one night, we were staying in the caravan with my brother and sister, sharing two beds. In the night I ‘made a rude noise’ as it was called in our house. The next day she said we needed a serious talk. She proceeded to tell me what had occured and how, when I went on my school trip the following week, nobody would like me at all if I did such a disgusting thing. Blimey, the sleepless nights started there!
At our first house in France we were shown to a wooden building in the garden that had a bench with two holes cut in it. One large hole, with a little v shape cut out of the front of the curve and a smaller one with no v shaped gap. His and hers! I just can’t imagine, no I’m not going to, moving swiftly on…
If you have a toilet issue just bear in mind everyone needs to go. If you don’t you get ill. If it’s a problem simply say so. No need for long explanations. Learn to laugh about normal stuff. Don’t cause your kids grief by passing on and inflating hang ups.
If you are going to be in a situation where you will be uncomfortable, shall we say, you can take aloe or ground flax for a smoother, easier experience, they are good to include in your diet anyway (read up on them or take advice on use and quantities first).
To generally reduce bloating and constipation and increase ease and comfort eat less white, sticky doughy food and more fruit and vegetable fibre, drink more water, chew properly, eat fermented foods such as kimchi, kefir, live yogurt, drink kombucha, water kefir and/or take pre and probiotics. Move more. Ease up on yourself.
Smile and let go, haha, sorry.
So that’s the end of the Mom talk for today.
Had to include the naughty photo my kids took when they did a show for me….
First I apologise that your birthday cake isn’t all that one could have hoped for.
I admit, I didn’t remember that ingredients need to be weighed until the second to last ingredient – OK then, I did remember but
I couldn’t be bothered because my scales are lbs and ozs and the recipe was grams.
I also thought it was very clever to use the Vitamix to blend the eggs and sugar rather than the boring old wooden spoon technique and yes, I could have used the blender but it already had the flour and walnuts in!
It did look pretty hobnob-like when it came out of the oven, I didn’t know you have to smooth the top and, though I had a variety of cake tins, none matched in size so I squidged one up a bit in the middle of the tin.
I think the filling is great – even though I didn’t have icing sugar which was needed but, brilliantly, normal brown (healthier) sugar, when blended, almost turns into it – couldn’t work out why it smelt a bit fishy though – until I remembered the egg blending I did earlier…. they must feed organic chickens on fish!!!
So, really, if you imagine its not a cake but a big novelty coffee biscuit sandwich you will be very happy.
Oh and before you ask; yes, I admit, I did hide three big carrots in it, blended with the eggs which is probably why its pretty solid – great British bake off might have said heavy, not a crumb in sight though – but you get almost one of your 5 a day in a slice!
Happy birthday Robin and I promise, next year I’ll buy the cake xxx
Botched recipe from Red Velvet chocolate heartache with apologies for messing it up to Harry Eastwood too!Learn More